Say Your Prayers
by Shi-Toyu
Summary: Loki left to return to Asgard years ago, leaving Tony with more than a few regrets. Now Tony is willing to one last thing to let the god how he really feels...and hopefully be heard. FrostIron! Kind of sad, but not really, but kinda.


A/N: This was supposed to come out super angsty, but it lost some of it as I went along. Still, I like the way it came to be. This was inspired by the song 'Amnesia' by Five Seconds of Summer. It's a damn good song and I've been wanting to write this since the first moment I saw it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Say Your Prayers

A bitter laugh filled the air of Tony Stark's bedroom, cutting through the stale air. It'd suddenly occurred to him just what someone would stumble upon if they entered his room at that moment. (Probably Cap, the soldier had learned not to knock when it came to the genius. It just gave him time to hide evidence.) Candles flickered throughout the room and the walls were covered in symbols and runes that'd been drawn in blood. The carcass of a goat smoldered in a metal bowl on the bed, dead center. Oh, yeah, if someone were to enter the room they would definitely think Tony had lost his mind. Some days he was pretty convinced of that himself.

The ex-Avenger ran a wrinkled hand through his hair, ignoring as always how thin the white locks felt. He'd outlived every doctor's predictions, even his own. He should have died years ago, but hope had carried in through, pushing his body past every limit. Now, though, he knew there wasn't much time left. The coughing fits were getting worse and there wasn't a joint in his body that didn't suffer from extreme pain.

He groaned as he sank to his knees beside the bed, silently cursing the aging process. He clasped his hands tightly in front of him and tried to ignore the sagging skin and brown spots that littered their surface. Every sign of the time that had passed sent lances of agony through his heart that were far worse than the physical pain he experienced. He cleared his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Hey Loki…It's Tony. I-um, I don't know if this will work or not, but I have to try. I've done a lot of research, you know, to try and get this right. I even talked to Jane…I would have asked your brother if he would show his face for anything less than a global threat. You'd think he had a realm to rule over or something."

His chuckle turned into a wet cough that had him doubling over and using the mattress for support. It took him several minutes to get his body back under control, eyes watering and the taste of iron on his tongue. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Sorry about that, Lo…I'm not exactly as young as I used to be. You wouldn't believe how many wrinkles I have now…Most days I can't even believe it myself."

In his mind's eye, Tony could see the curve of Loki's smirk as the god rolled his eyes. He'd always been indulgent of Tony in the most exasperated of ways. Even after so many years, the inventor could call up his face with excruciating detail. It was a blessing and a curse.

"I was at the Tower the other day…Did you know I've had to rebuild it over thirty times now? Thor's probably told you while recounting battle stories…I've never changed the bar, though. I just couldn't bring myself to. I mean, since I offered you a drink that was _technically_ our first date, even if you did end it by throwing me out a window."

A grin stretched across his lips, the first it'd seen in a long time. Smiles just didn't come as easy to Tony as they used to.

"You always looked great when you were angry, which is perhaps a poor comment upon my tastes, but I could never get enough of you. Everything about you was intoxicating. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh, your kisses…I don't think I've ever been kissed like you kissed me. Maybe it was just that the others didn't mean as much."

The weight of sadness lay heavy on his shoulders, a weight he had grown well-accustomed to over the years.

"Thor says that you're doing okay, that you've been paying off your sentence by helping fix problems throughout the Realms. I think I've heard him retell the Svartalfheim story at least a hundred times. He said you can go where you want, now that he's king. He trusts you. Are you, though? Doing well, I mean. You always talked about how much you hated being around those idiots. I can't stop thinking that it's gotta be worse than ever now and I admit I don't completely trust Thor to notice."

Tony shifted his weight, his knees aching from being on the floor so long. With painstaking slowness he moved to sit instead, his back against the edge of the bed and his arms resting atop bent knees. He rubbed his bleary eyes with one hand, hoping to clear his vision however briefly. God, getting old _sucked_.

"Sometimes I just get so _mad_, you know? I mean, we had this thing going and then you just up and _left_. You had to go back to Asgard to serve your sentence, I know, but you never came back, Loks. I waited for you and you never came back!"

He squeezed his eyes shut and breathed deeply, trying to stay calm. His heart couldn't handle much excitement anymore, which meant he had to take more and more tips from Bruce when it came to controlling his temper.

""It's just, if Thor is right, if you're _fine_, then what did that mean for us? There are times, very occasionally, that I start to wonder if it was just a lie, everything that we had, everything that I _felt_. If all of that was real, how could you be fine? 'Cause I'm not fine at all. But those thoughts never last very long, don't worry. I know how much you hate being doubted."

The smile was back, and Tony felt like it was shattering his very soul.

"I remember the day you told me you were leaving. It looked like someone had run over your puppy. God, Loks, I didn't even know that you could _look_ like that. It broke my heart, in so many ways. You said that Midgard had nothing to keep you here, that you didn't need anything here, but your eyes said it was killing you just to push those words out and I was so _stupid_ back then."

He rubbed furiously at his eyes, getting rid of any wetness before it could turn into something more incriminating.

"I should have said something, anything to make you stay, to make you _want _to. But instead I acted like a complete ass, hiding behind snarky comments and false bravado. The truth is I haven't stopped thinking about you for a single day since you left. There have been so many times I wished I could wake up with amnesia, and forget about the stupid, little things, like how it felt to fall asleep next to you and the memories I never can escape."

A bit of moisture managed to leak out of the corner of his eye and Tony wiped it away with a curse. He hated feeling so weak and hated even more that it showed so clearly. If anyone saw him now, he'd never live it down.

"I guess that it's pretty much my fault you never came back, anyway. Those things I said at the end…well, I wouldn't have come back either. I wish I knew then what I know now, about life, about everything. I shouldn't have said any of that, because what I really wanted to do was beg you not to go. I should have told you that I loved you. Damn it all, I _still_ love you."

He let his head fall forward, hiding it in his arms.

"That's all I wanted to say, I guess, just get it out in the open. I finally got up the courage to tell you…It only took me thirty-four years. Sorry for the wait."

He nearly jumped out of his skin when lean arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him sideways into a hard chest.

"Oh, _Anthony_…"

His eyes snapped open as he jerked his head up to stare wide-eyed at the man he'd only seen in his dreams for so long. He looked like he'd barely aged a day.

"Loki…"

He buried his face in the man's neck, breathing in his scent as he grasped desperately at the front of the god's tunic. There was no way he was letting go again, no way in Hell. Loki stroked his hair soothingly, murmuring softly in his ear.

"You have nothing to apologize for, dear heart. I ran because of my own fear. I could not find my own courage to discover whether or not my feelings were returned and so I thought it would be best to cut all ties before it was too late. But it was too late from the very first moment we met."

He slid one pale hand under Tony's chin and lifted it so he could get a clear look at the mortal. Tony searched his gaze for any sign of rejection, and disgust at his haggard and aged appearance, but could find none. Only adoration stared back at him. Loki pressed a soft kiss to his lips, holding the simple contact for a moment before pulling back.

"I have loved you from the very beginning, Anthony. I wish I never gave you a single moment of doubt about that. There is so much time that we have wasted, thrown away in our foolishness, but I swear I will not allow for a moment more to escape us."

Tony brought his own hands up to cup either side of the Aesir's face. He still couldn't quite believe that the god was in his room, that he'd come back after so much time. His heart swelled at the same time that it broke all over again.

"Loki…oh, love…You must know I do not have much time left. I am so sorry…but if there was any one thing I could wish for before I went, it would have been to see you again."

Loki's trademark smirk slid across his face once again as he pressed another kiss to Tony's lips. He reached into a bag at his hip and withdrew an apple with a brilliant golden peel, his eyes twinkling with glee and mischief.

"You foolish mortal, I am a _god_. Or have you already forgotten to whom you prayed?"

A/N: So…what did you think? Please let me know with comments and questions in the review box below! I really appreciate feedback as it helps me grow and improve my abilities. (Which, in turn, totally helps you guys.) Thank you so much for reading!


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